sunshine, memories

Keira asked today if we get to go back to other days, you know the ones that came before. Would she ever be 3 again? I explained that we get to remember special days and memories but we can’t do them again. She was quiet after this answer. We drove along the Annapolis Valley road in summer. How could I tell her that I would give anything to go back to being the 3 year old (and 4 year old for that matter) in the car with my Mom driving over country roads, with the windows rolled down in summer. I have felt sometimes that I push against the boundaries of time and space to try and hang onto the feeling, sight, smell of a time long ago. But since we can’t do that, we have the best days we can right now.

Keira and I headed to the Valley this morning, hoping to find strawberries to pick (“we need a basket mama”) but content just to find strawberries to eat. We visited all the animals we could find (miniature horses, budgies birds, goats, rabbits) and Keira named each one. After we left she said “I hope Patches is okay.” (spotted bunny) and repeated this for other animals. Lunch at Evageline Beach, back to back on a warm rock. Ice cream in front of the old Grand Pre store, cuddled up.

800 words or just about!

started a challenge t wirte 800 words and do yoga everyday for 21 days...we'll see how it goes...

Keira and I were “adventure girls” trail-a-biking earlier this week. It had been a rough morning with J and I felt so HOT and claustrophobic that I just couldn’t COULDN’T! get into the car to go to Dalplex. Despite the frequent outbreaks of torrential Halifax June rain, we were biking. I did give her a choice trailer or trail-along and she chose the more exposed approach. She had her new backpack on and was feeling fine. We headed out into the grey and yes, about half way there it started to spit, then drizzle, then pelt and finally pour (so many words for rain in Halifax). “Mama, it is really raining a lot” “I know adventure girl just hang on tight!!!” I could basically see clear enough to bike and we got to Dalplex in a few minutes. I was very proud as Keira can tend to be fussy about things like a bike ride in the rain where she isn’t enclosed in a water tight trailer. She was very proud as she told everyone at Dalplex how we had arrived.
Upon leaving, I admit to being slightly stressed about time and faced a mostly uphill incline to get home. As I panted she talked behind and sang about how much she loved her trail-a-bike. Then she she started saying “ I know. I will use this when I have my kids (common theme). I will give them my little bike. I will give them my big bike. I will give them this. I will tell them that this was MINE when I was a little girl and now is theirs (you can imagine we unearth childhood treasures on a regular basis).”
The she was silent for a little while. Then she said, “But I will miss you…” “Where will I be?” “I don’t know. And I don’t know where Mom will be.” “we will be around sweetie” I think I tell too many stories about my Mom and my things and then I probably fall silent too.

Keira had a rough day about biking today. Long story short, her bike was malfunctioning and she wouldn’t give it up to walk to the park for a time sensitive playdate with her best friend. And I abdicated my role as parent quite badly and didn’t take very decision decisions or actions. In the end, we arrived late with a hungry Mama, a very sad girl who had screamed and cried for a long time and no bikes. She needed to be held for a long time in a way that she hadn’t in a long time and I should have introduced cuddling much earlier into the situation.

Then twice today she lost her favourite bugs – inch worms (or Inchy as we called today’s first find). She saw her (it was a girl) dangling from a tree on the way home from our playdate. I said we couldn’t reach her. The she fell in a gust of wind to the middle of the road. I safely retrieved her and we carried her home and built her a new habitat and the Keira lost her. More crying. Lots of tears. “will we ever find her?” “Weeeellllll….sure we will.” “no we won’t. We will find an inch worm but it won’t be Inchy”. Oh young one so smart so young.

Can’t do 800 words tonight….