Big questions Keira sat down at dinner the other night and said, "Okay I have question for you guys,why am I here?" We immediately assumed this to be an adoption related question and launched into our usual refrain about birth families and adotion counsellors and...but she stopped us and said "No, no, no...of all the lives there are in the world, why is this one mine? And I when I look at a picture of myself, is it me or someone else?" Neither Heather nor I are big philosophers...the only philosophy course I ever took was Philosophy of Feminism and while we both liked Sophie's World back in the day, the concepts of destiny and fate are slightly foggy for us (this could explain a lot). Anyway as we stumbled to try and answer, both of us wanting to do justice to her questions, encourage her exploration she said, "You just don't understand. I don't have enough words to tell you what I am thinking. You have more words than me!"

Circle for Jason at school

Jason has been asking to go to school all weekend but didn't outline exactly why...we received this lovely email form his teacher tonight and understand that what he was saying was "my class is so great" "We had a great circle on Friday to wish Jason well. He got a little teary and sweaty near the end but it was very moving to hear the kids wish him well, telling him they would miss him and why. One girl asked him to say hi to someone she knew who was already in hospital. There were just the right amount of laughs too. They all had really personal things to say to him and I had a tough time keeping it together myself. It`s amazing how children can just take care of things on their own, sometimes, without adults getting too involved."

how we got here

How did we get here? Jason was born with a unilateral cleft lip, a full cleft palate (soft and hard palate) and cleft in his jawbone. Because of this, he has had several surgeries, starting with a lip repair when he was 7 months, a palate repair when he was 14 months, a pharyngoplasty (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Augmentation_pharyngoplasty) when was 5 and a bone graft from his hip to repair his jaw bone when he was 5 as well. The pharyngoplasty was a major decision for us because the surgery can be risky and involved time in the ICU during recovery. However, he did see almost immediate improvements in his speech…until sometime in Grade 2, when we noticed his speech start to deteriorate. He had a scope done this past summer that revealed that the flap had “dehissed” – let go in some way and disappeared. The scope also showed that while Jason lateral throat muscles were working well, his palate never touched the back of his throat in the production of speech, making it impossible to make some sounds clearly and allowed air to escape through his nose. We then had to make a decision about surgical intervention, and about whether to go with a pharyngoplasty again, or try something slightly less risky first. We chose the latter, and Jason will be undergoing a furlow cleftoplasty surgery. http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1280866-overview#aw2aab6b6

Re-committing

I was just reading a friend's blog that she is endeavouring to update more often and i thought I should follow this great example... We have been having a great, busy fall. It is amazing now that our kids do more activities how much September becomes a real start. EVERYTHING seems to start at once, leaving us scrambling to make sure we have everything organized and ready to go each day. We had a great start to the school year. Both kids have really great teachers which makes things so much smoother. Jason is doing extremely well in Grade 4. He is happy, relaxed, confident and productive. I went in to make salsa with his class lately which was a great success. His social successes have been fairly steady, and just this past weekend he had a sleepover (or really an awake-over since he might not have slept) at a friend's. It was a complete success. He has been taking gymnastics and Cubs will finally start this week. We are gearing up for another surgery, scheduled for November 5. They will be re-building his palate so a pretty major event. He is not very keen on the idea - who would be - but we are planning and hoping for success. Keira has had a great start to Grade 1. She has the same teacher that J had in Grade 1 and she is truly wonderful, attending the academic and social development of children in akin and respectful way. I have started going in to read with students each week. Outside of school she probably has too much going on and we are going to sound like crazy parents but here it goes : violin, piano, Sparks, gymnastics, Basketball and ringette. She also does an Aboriginal kids program called kids and culture. And oh yeah the church choir...Don't judge us because she is over programmed!! She loves it all ...well she could skip violin practice in a heartbeat but that is my non-negotiable. And we would like to drop gymnastics but she is really benefiting from the exercise and body awareness. Ringette may be a really thing for her - she can put all the gear on herself and had a blast last weekend. So happy, red faced and sweaty coming off the ice. She tried having her first sleep over when J went to his. His friend's little sister came here. We had a blast with the girls out at Nocturne and they settled well until Keira burst into tears - she wanted Jason back and her friend gone. Yikes!! How awful for her friend. She probably didn't hear anything but Keira kept running back and forth to the bathroom. Then they settled into sleep until Keira had a night terror at midnight which totally freaked her friend out and Heather ended up doing a late night, cross town drive to bring her friend home. For Thanksgiving, Gary and Iris joined us at cottage in Kingsport. I completed the Valley Half Marathon, which was the culmination of months of training, perseverance and overcoming my own conception of myself as unfit and not strong. I actually felt awful the entire time - I was in the middle of getting my period and was very nauseous - really just wanted to puke and curl up in the fetal position - but I completed faster than planned and upright. I also smiled for all the pictures in an effort to rewrite history! I am hooked however, as I really enjoyed the training process and would like to do it again next year. We enjoyed the weekend in Kingsport - apple picking, feeding cows, picking strawberries, beac walks, corn maze, etc..

Summer reflections So many great times, aided by mythical weather – sunshine, heat, warm water Letting the waves at Martinique Beach crash over her head seems to provide inspiration for Keira. She popped out of one wave and asked “ Will we ever see Mrs.Doyle (former Vice Principal at ESCS) again. A few minutes later she pops out again, “Is Camelot real?”, and finally, “Did Grandma know she was pregnant when she went on the Zipper?” We paused for snacks, sitting on our boogie boards and then she skipped back down to the water to ride more waves. Gorgeous Martinique, with a wide stretch of sand and blue bouncing waves – amazing. Our times at the cottage this year were amazing. Each day was the best day you could imagine with warm water, sunshine and heat rolling in on offshore breezes. Jason did an amazing amount of kayaking and snorkeling this year. Keira was always up for a swim – preferably “an extra long swim”. The playground forest was enhanced with the addition of a zip line which the kids loved. Keira couldn’t walk past her swinging bar without having a little swing. Jason spent hours playing tether ball and basketball and loved biking through the woods. They often went on adventures togethers, liking frog searching in the ditch and had many tales to tell. Keira fell off her bike and Jason put a bandaid on! The dog at the church-cottage was running after them and Keira threw cherries to distract him!

March 21 2012

My sweet 6 year old, what a wonderful day we had. You wanted it to start early - at about 3 a.m. you woke up and said, "It's the day. Today is the day. It is my Birthday!" I managed to get you back to sleep for another 3.5 hours. Your mommies and brother had been up too late actually getting ready for today, so it was a reversal of roles - you were the one wide awake and we were sleepy! You opened present and we had a birthday breakfast. Because of how warm today was forecast to be, you immediately put on your new summer outfit. We took Jason to school on bike but you had the day off!

First of all, we came home and you watched a short movie because, while it is certainly lovely out, I know that you like a good movie. Although talking animals movies aren't "good" in the cinephile sense of things, we all enjoy them these days. You also ate a whole pineapple and a large bowl of popcorn. Our first stop when we headed out was for a Subway kids pack and then we biked down to meet Mom at the AST campus where her French class is right now. We picnicked, chatted and then you and I just sat and cuddled in the sun. We headed up to the Point Pleasant Grocery and you had a double ice-cream (cotton candy and moon mist) and we sat and watched the world go by. Back on the trail-a-bike, we looped through Halifax - in full summer mode - tight rope walkers in Victoria Park, sunbathers on Citadel Hill, and a big play at the commons playground. We then headed to janes for a coffee and a drink. We were very silly, being chickens and me sitting on your lap, etc. etc. We then headed to school to pick up jason and for playtime. All of a sudden you can do the monkey bars like a big kid and do all kinds of skipping - singles and doubles.

She had some quotable quotes these last few days..

I am going to learn to run as fast a s the wind. I am going to run and run even faster than big kids. I got this idea from looking at the ground as we biked along and I want to make myself go faster than even that!

Keira asked why we got married. I said, "Mom is pretty great isn't she?" Keira, "Yes, she chases us. And sometimes when she is doing the dishes she makes a different choice and comes and plays with us. And when we fight over her, she figures out how to play with both of us...And you are great too. You are cuddly." Happy Birthday sweet girl!

January 2012

So December came and went without an update and I am sure that I missed many cute moments. In short, we had a great time. We found out tree at a u-pick out/we cut down spot in New Ross. We decorated and baked a little. Jason still totally believes in Santa but Keira is doubtful; she called us out on Xmas Eve ("I think it is you guys") but then "Santa" put a Barbie in her stocking so he must be real/it must be magic. She is already laying on Easter Bunny pressure - 'real bunny or mascot bunny? how does he carry all the treats? He doesn't have thumbs so can't carry a basket." magic baby magic. Mr. E. Bunny might need to look for a Barbie sale!

In 2010, I remember feeling exhausted in the lead up to Xmas because of a need to sort and organize all of the yard sale/kijiji items we had for the kids. This year, I will remember the exhaustion of Keira's four concerts in the lead up - school, church, violin and piano. She did great at all of the them and enjoyed them, although there was some crying in the lead up to the school concert - "I don't want any more concerts Mama". The kids had a super long school break and did a range of activities before Heather and I juggled days off for the last week. We had a very lazy holiday with a lot of playing and serious toy mash ups - playmobile/littlest pet shop/zhu zhus on the air hockey table at war with Star wars lego. Truly awesome.

Jason had a hard end to 2011, and was seriously stressed out by school. And so he was seriously acting out at school. And so sad. We had a few mornings when we couldn't drop him off and more than a few mornings when we were called back to get him. However, with the support of some great experts at school, he has totally turned things around. At the end of January, he received Star of the Month, which ws great and made him even more enthusiastic to be there. The day after the award, he had two teeth pulled and still wanted to go back. And the day after that, Keira and I took the day off school and headed off to see Shubenacadie Sam and he still wanted to go to school. And speaking of that "petite marmotte" he promised us an early Spring.

Keira has had a great month at school. She is slowly becoming prouder and more confident about putting French sentences together and yesterday was asking about different foods, "mama est-ce je peux avoir une carotte pour gouter?" She continues to pull out snappy one liners in English. The other day I was supposed to be playing with her but was squeezing ina phone call and I said something about some one 'moving on" and she said, "mama, you aren't moving on." And to finish off today her quote from the other night as she snuggled in our bed with down underneath and on top, I said, "keira I think you are getting a little spoiled tonight". She said, "No Mam, I am getting really spoiled all the time." I think it is a good way to feel at 5 years old.